Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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