Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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