i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
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