She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
