What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
