Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
