I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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