I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
