I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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