I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just had sex bonerless
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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