New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
