normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
