Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
