The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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