She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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