I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
