All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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