he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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