So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
