i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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