oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My life is pants optional.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
