You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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