we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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