he puts the penis in happiness.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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