I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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