There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
time to smoke my breakfast
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
