community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
