there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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