And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
