yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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