I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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