Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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