Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
