I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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