i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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