the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
