Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
