There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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