I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
