He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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