Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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