'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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