i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
