i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
