I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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