I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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