At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
