I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
