3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Only a mothe r could love this liver
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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