Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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