I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize