my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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