my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
