Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
