left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
