I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
