Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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