Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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