just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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