Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
