Will you blow on my dice?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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