He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
