hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
