Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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